


What Shall We Do With a Drunken Sailor?

by somethingsalwayswrong



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Crack, M/M, McSpirk - Freeform, Multi, OT3, Polyamory, Strip Poker, the sulu/chekov is only briefly mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-13
Updated: 2014-07-13
Packaged: 2018-02-08 14:44:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1945080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somethingsalwayswrong/pseuds/somethingsalwayswrong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for a tumblr prompt from lynsolo:</p>
<p>"I'll never unsee that" McSpirk</p>
<p>What followed was complete and utter crack. Enjoy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Shall We Do With a Drunken Sailor?

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written for Star Trek before so here's hoping it went well. I think I might explore this show a bit more soon.

They had been shorebound by a sandstorm for weeks now. Not even at a large port, with sights, attractions, and restaurants. They were trapped on a small fueling port that had a miniscule commons shop and not much of anything else. So, they all caught up on paperwork. Then when that was finished, they started deep cleaning the ship, with Scotty barking at them the whole time. That had killed a whole three days. But the sandstorm kept on and soon they broke out the Twister board. Then Monopoly, which quickly got put back away after multiple arguments and a brief fistfight. Then…they had run out of board games.

There are times when the Starship Enterprise is a shining example of Starfleet’s finest working under the leadership of a brilliant mind. And then there are times when the Starship Enterprise is an embarrassment to everyone. Absolutely everyone. It’s pretty hard to tell sometimes which one occurs more often.

Unofficial Official Crew Strip Poker Night (not Kirk’s idea, he swears) may have firmly tipped the scales into permanent embarrassment, though. Nobody really remembers how it began. But there were several bottles of vodka, scotch, beers, some fruity Vulcan drink, and various other consumables scattered around the bridge. Everyone was sitting cross-legged on the floor, cards and toppled piles of poker chips scattered in front of all of them. Uhura had lost her boots, stockings, and a single earring. Sulu was shirtless and quietly running his hands through Chekov’s hair in the corner of the bridge, their cards long abandoned in favor of more entertaining activities.

The only people who seemed to actually be playing the card game competitively were both the most and least dressed people in the room. Spock had lost his shoes and socks. Bones, however, had gotten down to his underwear and his watch. Kirk sat with his back against the captain’s chair, watching lazily as Bones and Spock stared each other down.

Spock’s face was his usual deadpan of concentration, though it appeared softer around the edges. Not quite a smile, but not the hard-edged line he carried normally. His eyes flicked over his cards, calculating, judging, looking over to Bones. Their eyes were locked briefly, sizing the other up, before Spock looked back down to his cards to make a final assessment.

"I believe it is time to ‘lay them out’, as the captain puts it, Doctor." 

Bones looked like the polar opposite of Spock. His hair was a wreck, he was nearly naked, and while he was also intently playing the game, the effects of the cheap Romulan ale and the good Southern bourbon were apparent on him. He was desperately trying to calculate a way out of his current jam but there was a deep haze of liquor blocking him from making the necessary connections. Finally, he gave up.

"Dammit, you…" There was that missing connection in his brain, again. "Pointy eared…elf…Knitting his brows in frustration, he laid his cards down. "There. A flush. Not too bad, if I say so myself." Bones grinned smugly and looked up to meet eyes with Spock. His smile fell a bit when he realized Spock was _smirking_. Actually, honest to God, _smirking_.

Spock laid his cards down. A full house. McCoy’s jaw dropped.

"Well, Doctor McCoy. I believe you know the penalty for losing." His eyes quickly panned over McCoy, lingering for a split second in places that made Bones flush.

"Nope. Not happening." Bones crossed his arms and put on his meanest face he could muster. With all the liquor in his system, that wasn’t much, though.

Suddenly Jim, stood up and whooped. “Take it off! Take it off!” Before they knew it, the entire bridge was chanting along with Jim. Even Chekov and Sulu managed to pull away from each other long enough to join in.

"Jim, I am not doing this!" Bones shouted over the din. He looked over to Spock. "Tell them to knock it off, you damned hobgoblin!"

Raising an eyebrow, Spock simply said, “I believe a bet is a bet, Doctor.” Unable to fight back pressure from Jim, Spock, and the rest of the crew, Bones stood up, took a deep breath, and dropped the boxers to the floor.

There was whooping and hollering from some of the members, a few groans, and a quick catcall from Uhura, of all people. Scotty shouted, “Well, I’m never unseein’ that!”

Bones blushed profusely, holding his hands in front of him. He looked over at Kirk and Spock, only to find that both of them had a look something akin to predatory on their faces.

Bones swallowed. This sandstorm might prove to be interesting after all…


End file.
